Thursday, November 18, 2010

Romantic and Friend Relationships That Work

How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful LovingWhen I think over the course of my life I realize that the times I have been the most happy were when I had good, close, fun relationships in my life- especially when I have had a romantic relationship or a group of close girlfriends.

These perfect relationships; however, are always fleeting. What I mean by that is that the relationships always gets messy at some point. Hurt feelings, outside friend interference, gossip, disappointment, dashed expectations, misunderstandings, too demanding, judgements, etc.

So maintaining friendships are hard work. So hard, that at times I have been convinced that I should stay out of relationships altogether.

The problem is that I want everything to always be easy and great and its just never going to be like that. So a new perspective is required. This holds true for romantic as well as friend relationships.

The truth is that relationships are rewarding. They are healthy for us. They create in us feelings that are necessary for complete happiness, so we can not stay away and find happiness. It just doesn't work.

First lets address where you can meet people to be in relationships with. In high school and through the college years people meet through school, clubs and popular night spots. As you get older it is a little tougher. The Internet has been very helpful with this. Of course there are dating sites, but for those who are looking just for friendship there are also local meetup groups . You can find groups in almost every interest in your local area. Joining some sort of club, group or church is a very good way to meet people in your area. Many people also meet friends at their place of work.

Once you have established a friendship you need to look at it as a working relationship. Instead of thinking about what the friend can do for you, or what benefits you will get out of the relationship- think of what you can do for your friends. How can you make them feel good? How can you include people? What can you do for others? This is where your focus should be. Then the rewards will come without you having to worry about them.

With this perspective, you also need to set up boundaries so people don't take advantage of you. Don't be afraid to say no if people step over the line and start using you. Most people will not do this. Don't expect others to do things for you- how much they do is up to them and has a lot to do with where they are in their life right then, but at the same time, don't let others take advantage of you.

The next most important thing is to keep your thoughts in check. Relationships get messy a lot of times because our thoughts go crazy in reading things into other people's behavior, or judging ourselves too harshly. Do not allow yourself to think about your relationships at all unless you are thinking of things you could do for others or feeling grateful for the abundance of friends in your life.

Blessings will come with relationships. Love is essential for human survival. Choose friends wisely and do your best. Don't be afraid to say how you feel and invite people to do things with you. If you get turned down, there are a lot of other people in the world who will say yes to you. Don't give up on relationships. Repair them if you can and work hard to show others that you care.


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